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Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Timmy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Sheilah O'Brien?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Kathleen Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona Grogan, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Timmy
Shaughnessy,
and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot
attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now."

Timmy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"



Timmy replied, "Three month's vacation and five good leads."

Subject: health plan


A WEALTHY HOSPITAL BENEFACTOR WAS VISITING THE HOSPITAL
WHEN, DURING HER TOUR, SHE PASSED A ROOM WHERE A MALE
PATIENT WAS MASTURBATING.
"OH MY GOD!" SCREAMED THE WOMAN.
"THAT'S DISGRACEFUL! WHY IS HE DOING THAT?"

THE DOCTOR THAT WAS LEADING THE TOUR EXPLAINED,
"I AM VERY SORRY... BUT THIS MAN HAS A SERIOUS CONDITION
WHERE THE TESTICLES RAPIDLY FILL WITH SEMEN. IF HE
DOESN'T DO THAT FIVE TIMES A DAY, HE'LL BE IN EXTREME PAIN
AND HIS TESTICLES COULD RUPTURE.

"OH, WELL IN THAT CASE, I GUESS IT'S OK," COMMENTED THE WOMAN.

IN THE VERY NEXT ROOM THEY COULD SEE THAT A NURSE WAS
PERFORMING ORAL SEX ON A DIFFERENT MALE PATIENT.

AGAIN THE WOMAN SCREAMED
"OH MY GOD! HOW CAN THAT BE JUSTIFIED?"

THE DOCTOR REPLIED...
"SAME ILLNESS, BETTER HEALTH PLAN."

Good ones.
Will be back later with a few.